Honesty

12Apr10

Cakes and Bunting and I seem to have some sort of response post thing going on. She writes a post which inspires one from me and vice versa!

Her straightening out post has made me think about how honest I am about my wedding likes and dislikes, both in the real world and in the blog world.

I’m sometimes I’m guilty of being economical with my true feelings when I’m talking to someone who is having or had different things at their wedding. Which is silly, surely anyone who has planned a wedding fully understands that human nature means everyone likes different things? But I’m desperate to not offend people.

Part of it stems from certain plans of ours which have elicited negative and sometimes hurtful responses. Some reactions have come from my single friends, who have never been in this situation and therefore can be excused slightly. But some reactions have sent me diving for cover, determined not to share my plans again for fear of potential negative comments.

I’d like to think I’m open minded enough that I can be accepting of other people’s plans. I can recognise that chair covers can make a reception venue look amazing, I just don’t want them in my venue because it won’t match the rustic feel of the place. Weddings in hotels. Beautiful, but not for me.

But why am I so scared of expressing my opinions to other engaged or recently married ladies?

A friend is having a child free wedding. That is her choice, one which I fully respect and understand. I am having about 15 kids to mine for various reasons, but mostly because I just like the idea of having kids there. But, when discussing it, I felt it necessary to justify my choice by talking about how a lot of my cousins are still children, therefore I had to have children there. Why couldn’t I just be honest and say that I really love children at weddings? She wouldn’t have been offended in the slightest.

So, here’s to honesty. Never a bad thing, so lets have more of it. You may not be doing things in the same way as I am, but your wedding will still be fabulous and beautiful.

P.S Massive thanks to the lovely Mysparethoughts for milk bottle help but more importantly, for the blogger award – i feel accepted! I’m working on my list of who to pass it on to, however, some recipients may be surprised – I’m a prolific blog lurker! Sometimes I feel like the new girl awkwardly butting in on a conversation in an attempt to break the ice…

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5 Responses to “Honesty”

  1. Ahh you put it so much more eloquently than I did!

    I think now there’s perhaps something deeper going on than simply the fear of offending. Getting married means opening yourself up: proclaiming a love publicly, telling your parents your intentions (and having them realise that perhaps your priorities differ from theirs) and putting on a show (ie the wedding itself) that is meant to exemplify yourselves and your relationship. Even if you’re not a showy person, it’s still both of you saying ‘this is us’ – and realising what ‘us’ is can mean opening yourself up to criticism.

    So you feel vulnerable, and know that others do too. Perhaps the fear of offending comes from knowing how raw you (ie we all) might well be feeling by going through this process – ie: if our friends feel anything we do, we know that they might be in a very sensitive frame of mind too…

    • Claire, you are SO right. It is an acute awareness of how vulnerable I feel and of how I’m made to feel when people react badly to my plans. I don’t want to make anyone else feel like that.

  2. Yes, this is the whole point and the wonderfulness of being your own person.

    I will never adore every detail of every wedding. I am totally happy that people will not adore my wedding.

    You will never offend anyone on purpose.

    Oh gosh I am being so ineloquent. I shall shut up.

  3. see this is why I love blog world.. I have just had a silly emotional conversation with my mum about all of this weddingness.. more specifically balloons! it was horrid and ended in tears.. and a not very productive day at work!

    what i’ve been trying to say today is that i don’t care.. as long as we have our day and it represents us then why should I care.. everyone has they’re own opinions and tastes and I’m sure some people will not quite get us.. but this is our day and the only way we can do it is our own way.. I will not turn into bridezillas.

    I want this to be fun.. this is important.. it just seems that everyone else is a lot more interested than I thought they would be .. why when your a bride do people think the only thing you want to talk about is the wedding..

    I don’t want to talk about it.. I’m nervous and excited and I don’t have everything in place.. but I’m not worried about it as what will be will be.. I have a venue, vicar, food, marquee, photographer, flowers, band and most importantly a man who wants to marry me.. what more is there..?

    also I loved my two blog awards.. (spare thoughts and Cakes & B) but I am to nervous to give them out to others that i’ve run away from them a little.. will have to be brave and say what I really think.. as I know how wonderful they made me feel so why am I so scared in giving them to others.. silliness..

  4. I get like that when speaking to married women at my work… when I’m saying that we want to do something different, I’m very carefully trying not to diss any of the things they choose for their big day. I guess it’s such a sensitive subject – I know two people who fell about a similar thing so I’m always a little cautious. I might be naive but it seems safer to say what you think in blogworld – partly because we all have such strong opinions on what we want!

    Love the milk bottle idea by the way 🙂


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