New name

05May10

I was going to save this post for a few months, but there was recently a name-change debate on A Practical Wedding, so I thought I may as well just write it now.

There was never any doubt in my mind that I was going to take IB’s name when we get married and I have been known to practise my future signature! I understand the reasons that some bride’s have for NOT taking their husbands name. But I’m a simple creature, and I just see it as the best way to honour the fact that IB and I are an official unit and how proud I am to be his family. Plus, I would want to have the same name as our children in the future.

Recently, though, something about it has started to niggle me about the new name. It took a while to realise what, but I eventually sussed that I was really sad about losing my surname. My name doesn’t define who I am, but I CHOSE it.

My Dad met my Mum and I when I was three. He later adopted me, and they married when I was 6. At that point, I decided that I wanted to have his name, a choice that was entirely mine. Even at that age, I knew how special my Dad was and in twenty years, I have never once felt like I wasn’t his own flesh and blood. In fact, I often forget completely. So to give up that name so easily feels like it somehow diminishes the bond between us.

The solution, I have decided, is to get rid of 2nd middle name I despise (named after biological paternal grandmother – yuk) and replace it with my current surname. It’s common for the women in my family to have a surname as a middle name. I thought about having a double barrelled name, but it would be a mouthful and my first name already sounds pretentious. Also, very few people will ever know I’ve kept the name.

But, IB and my parents will know and understand why. And that’s the most important thing.

P.S I do, however, find it very refreshing that more and more people now ask if the bride is taking the groom’s name, rather than assuming that they are. I love that it is 100% my choice and that is acceptable.

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7 Responses to “New name”

  1. 1 rebecca

    I think thats a lovely thought. I’ve never had any problem with taking James name either, although when I think about it, I might be where my surname stops in my branch of the family. Its a lovely way to honour your dad.

  2. 2 claire

    Hmm. I did have some dilemmas on this front. I feel another ‘glasgow bride-inspired’ blgo post coming up! I will post a reply when I’ve done it…

  3. You’ve come to the same conclusion as me! I really like my surname (and there aren’t that many of us left) and I’ve never really liked my middle name, so that’s what I decided too – to take the OH’s last name and make my surname my middle name. Really happy that someone else has thought of that too – everyone I mentioned it to looked at me like I was odd! πŸ˜‰

    P.S. Love the story about your Dad πŸ™‚

  4. 4 mysparethoughts

    Aww that is so sweet about your Dad and what a good solution. I toyed with the idea of keeping my name, with 2 sisters and only male cousins the name will end with our generation. But as time has gone on I’m actually really looking forward to taking my husbands name.

  5. Oh I have dilemmas too. Glad you have found such a lovely solution.

  6. 6 Gaynor

    I was kind of undecided for a while as name will end when my sister gets married.

    However for me I in the end wanted to change my name as I all want to be the same name if we have kids.

    I do love my surname though so I am also making it my middle name. I had never heard of anyone else doing that so I lovd that you and zoe are too. I already have a surname, my mums maiden name, as my middle name so I’m just going yo have 2!

    Please note though that we have now been married almost 5 weeks and I haven’t changed any documents. The only place I use my new name is at my new job as figured there was no point changing it there and I started after the wedding.

  7. 7 Aebbe

    My Dad met my Mum when I was 18 months old, they married when I was 3 and he adopted me soon after, and my last name was changed to his. I had been feeling exactly the same as you, and I also decided a while ago that while I am more than happy to take my new husband’s name when we marry nexy year, I am going to change my name by deed poll to keep my maiden name as a middle name. My 18 year old son also has my maiden name so it will be a way of keeping the same surname as him too.


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