Over-considerate?

22May10

I would like to think that I’m a nice person. I’m a bit shy sometimes, but always pleasant, considerate and welcoming. (Not that I’m trying to blow my own trumpet)

However, I think I’ve become a little obsessed with considering the needs of our guests, to the point where it may be risking my own enjoyment of the wedding. Our guests are obviously very important, but the first question I ask myself now when considering a new idea/supplier is “Will that suit the guests?”

I’m painfully aware that all but 3 of our day guests will be travelling a minimum of 100 miles to the wedding and most will incur accommodation costs. It makes me feel both guilty and grateful. However, there’s a few think we are doing to help our guests.

  • City venue (so people don’t need cars to get there)
  • Bus from the ceremony to the reception
  • Brewery tour and bouncy castle to entertain guests while we are having photos taken
  • Reception venue with reasonably priced drinks
  • Second party in Ireland for the guests who can’t make it to Scotland
  • Sending save the dates as soon as flights become available so guests can get them while they are cheap
  • A wedding website with pages upon pages of things to do, accommodation and travel info
  • Hen parties in Manchester and Glasgow – I’ll travel to my friends to save everyone money
  • No gift list, we are probably going to request that guests don’t give us anything as they are spending enough to attend.

Two things happened recently to make me realise that I might be taking the consideration thing too far. Firstly, I spent at least an hour worrying about whether or not our table flower plans would inconvenience guests who may want to reach across the table. A whole 60 minutes debating what people would need to stretch over for? Crazy.

Secondly, I noticed that few people (not just brides) treat others with the same level of consideration. And if other people can do what they want, why can’t I?!

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4 Responses to “Over-considerate?”

  1. 1 claire

    I think you’re overlooking the very important fact that people are coming to your wedding because they WANT to be there! If, a week – or even an hour – after your wedding, anyone remembers feeling inconvenienced at having to reach around some flowers then I will be utterly gobsmacked. You have done enough! No one will think you are being mean for doing what you want on your wedding day.

  2. I think you are being far too nice in some ways – but I know when the time comes I’ll probably be as much of a worrier. The thing I always try to remind myself of is how I feel when it comes to weddings – most of the time it feels like a great day out, an excuse to get dressed up, maybe stay at a nice place, catch up with people and get a little/big bit drunk. I’m pretty sure that’s how your guests will be thinking of your wedding (that and celebrating your marriage of course) so try not to worry too much. I’m sure what ever you do will be fab. Just remember to do some stuff to make you guys happy too – it is your day after all xx

  3. It’s good to care, up to a point. I am asking most people to travel to our wedding. Yet I would do the same for them.

    Yet, please remember as everyone has said above me, people go to weddings to have fun. So what if they only serve the gin I hate. I drink something else. If I can’t reach across the table. I will ask someone to pass the salt, booze or chocolate. If my feet hurt. It’s not your fault. If I don’t like the food. I’ll eat breakfast tomorrow. None of this will kill me. I can still have an amazing time!

    Most people are there because they love you and want to see you happy together. For those who complain or find fault. They are finding fault in irrelevant details and are not there because they love you.

  4. 4 mysparethoughts

    Believe me I’m a huge people pleaser! But there comes a point where you just have to stop and realise that you can’t solve all of the problems for people. Solving an issue for one guest might inconvenience another guest. And so the circle continues. I’m just reassuring myself that people are making a choice to come, they are all adults and should really be able to look after themselves.

    Hugs for the wedding worries though – they are real and not irrational and you are not ALONE we have all been there.


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